Not a Happy Wednesday

Today was definitely meant to be a happy Wednesday: I woke up on time, slept a good amount, and woke up again, once again at a good time (dont ask me how this happened). I wore the colors of Canada, red and white, with my Canadian tuke (beanie) that my parents brought home from their trip to Vancouver this summer. I pinned my 'Canada' pin onto my Hogwarts jacket in order to feel truly awesome. In addition to this, Gilbert (another name for Alice/Anita) and I vandalized Brist's board, Canadian themed of course, after school the day before. :) It was meant to be an awesome day, which it was for some parts.

No one wore Canadian colors that day except for Caroline, who wore dark red and off-white on whim, but I didnt care. Turns out that red and white arent colors people can find in their closets. :/ I ate 3 doughnuts (or is it donuts?) in the morning during art, when we were doing critiques of each other's works (we went outside and using charcoal, drew something. I drew a saguaro and the mountain behind it, with a blurry weird thing in front which looks cool.). I probobly sounded arrogant since I didnt find as many mistakes in my drawing as others did, but who cares! I truly didnt see anything wrong, except the mountain which I overworked in the background. But my drawing has a real contemporary look which not many had. Other drawing were epic tho: this girl made her branches absolutely amazing, with her gradient-like lights and shadows, others had incredible detail and non-cactus subjects, and this dude was drawing these flowers in incredible fairy-like detail. Those flowers were amazing. Physics passed epically: we watched a video of this bridge falling apart and wriggling as if it was rubber (ITS INCREDIBLE). Now, whenever we see something wriggling weirdly, we say, 'just like the physics bridge.' I didnt eat the fourth donuts I took, instead saving it for later (I ate half in both English and History).

Chemistry passed weirdly: I found out we had a quiz on precipitation adn I was absolutely freaking out. I almost didnt finish the test on time, yet I still got a 82, which is EPIC by my standards. An 82!! Can you believe it?!? And I didnt even study!! XDXD But I know I have to study ALOT to get a good grade (a B or higher) on the Chem Trimester Exam coming up... >.<

For some reason Im not sad anymore because of this song:

http://www.aimini.net/view/?fid=Jh90Be9PA4m4Gn04fZhf

I hated this song, but while typing this I needed a pick me up AFJ-style so I found this... thing. I ahted WDC World Dancing before (I mean, really? An 80s beat? Fail.) but right now, because of its slow tempo, I felt that it was hte song I could write an emo post about. But alas, I was wrong. AFJ is an overly happy guy that makes me feel happy too. :) Alfred, I love you. <3

Washi-iington DEEECEEEE, DEEECEEE, OH OH!!

Well, the point of this post was to be all emo and fail, how much I failed at being an AFJ, since our personalitites are supposed to be similar, but I get it that Im much too timid to be America. I care about what other people think, even though I wish I didnt (I remember events in 4th grade where I embarrassed myself profusely and find myself hiding my face involuntarily in whatever I find), I have horrible leadership skills if I ahve to lead people who arent my friends (Ive tried - it never works), I would much rather sit in peace and not make trouble - although I do get really worked up and I do make war when Im ticked off. Its always in your best interests not to tick me off if you value your conscience. My 'long' temper does not last that long (ask my town members at Euroclub - I made war on the day before I left, being the absolute most Gryffindor/America I could think of. I literally fought for race equality. My passion for it got to such levels I was elected mayor for the day the next day - but unfortunatly I left sick adn was too weak to carry out my duties).

I was in such a bad mood during the van ride home I didnt talk the last few minutes to avoid making my bad mood inflicted on Gilbert and Mattie (Alice and Xtina). They were having a great time. They were friends for an incredible time. I was alone, sitting in the corner as they enjoyed their PruCan moment (since it was also act-like-a-fanfic-day. this was a horrible idea because alice and i were supposed to be fighting over xtina, but I understood that I jsut dont have the awesomness that was meant out of my character - the US and Prussia were meant to be in equal terms of awesome, but in different styles: America was supposed to be overly positive happy, which Prussia is supposed to be the 'Im-awesome-youre-not' type. Too accuratly our personalities are personified. But the thing is, I get beaten down real easily because III care too much about world opinion, being hte idiot i am. During debates, words dont come out of the mouth teh way theyre supposed to. Stuff doesnt work the right way, or I just end up looking like an idiot. I guess thats the problem then. The bad thing is that I kinda get it into my head, that I look like an idiot and immediately stop fighting. *starts crying out of... something* I just stop fighting. And it annoys me because I know I should still be up there, still trying to prove my point, but my ideas dont come out correctly, and... I dont know. But thats when I just loose my feeling of epicness adn I want to wallow in the dumps and listen to a depressing song adn nom and nom until I feel decent. Which is what I basically did today. I started crying when I was walking from the van station to home, adn when home, I didnt ring the doorbell like I normally do. I just opened hte door with my key and decided to walk in unnoticed. my lunch box started leaking earlier that day, so I quickly ran to the abthroom and started wahsing my lunchbox while crying and ranting inside my head how I should change my character and blah blah blah and how Ill type it up and regret it later, and more idiotic ideas... which I tried to type up here but got distracted by teh awesomness of the Hero: Americaaaa!!

Then I understood that this post had no use. And I have no use for it. But alas, I must post it so I shall. It would be weird to just wallow up in despair: now I have an awesome song to listen to, a white chocolate bar that is almsot gone (MMM WHITE CHOCOLAAATEEE!!!), and a feeling of happy equilibrium.

I have a certain degree of respect for the 'popular' group at school. They dont care what others think, they have no idea, or some idea, about what others think of them... I sorta respect them for that. Im too... something to be that. Ive tried. But the only place I can do that is when I ahve support from my friends - this is the reason I was failing at being a leader last year. Sure, I was the sortakindaalmostish leader of the hyenas: but thats nothing. ah well. This is a different year.

I now understand why people want to go to another school. In basis, our status, friends, title... everyhting is determined already. Those who have fallen want to escape it. The school. It was nice in Russia during the summer, where no one knew what I was capable of and hte only prejustice held against me was my American accent and origins. Aside from that, I was free to do waht I wanted and be who I wanted: the American girl who was positive, leader-like when she knew what she was doing, loud, obedient to the counselors she liked, impulsive, naive, hording, etc etc. I kinda want to be that person again. Alas, that is not possible. :/

Heh. Turns out this is an emo psot after all. Ive stopped crying tho. And Im ready to search some more fanfiction about the awesomeness of America to boost up my epicmeter.

Ive just realized that none of this psot explained what Im emo about. Whatever. Oh well.

HAVE A FUN WEEKEND EVERYONE!!!

Keep on eating pasta, be an Austrian aristocrat, watch for UFOs and Tony, love the whole World. Because....

CAN YOU FEEL IT?

ITS THE WHOLE WORLD.

AND IT TOTALLY LOVES YOU.

:D