So, unlike those stereotypical teens who seem to cry for a reason and then mope about it, my first thought was
WHY THE HECK AM I CRYING.
Next imagine me sort of walking around the kitchen, drinking my milkshake, sobbing, tears and buggers and everything on my face, staring into space with a purposeful yet frustrated look on my face. I was trying to figure out why I spontaneously started crying. And to be honest, Im making this post to help me figure out why.
- The fact that my AP US Government teacher had a spaz today, second period, on how every kid went up to her to ask when they'll be getting their outlines, vocabulary quizzes, tests, current events articles back, etc, and she was basically under too much pressure and overwhelmment (it's a word now, even if spell-check disagrees). Her rant in front of our classroom got to the point where she started listing off all the people who ahve zeros for this week's assignment, including my name. Unfortunately,s he singled me out, making me rifle through her papers, trying to find the current events article that I clearly remember turning in late. My friends from another class later remarked on how she told them in class she didn't believe me when I concretely remember typing it late Monday night and writing LATE on the top in big red letters the following day.
- Honestly, Im not too frazzled by this. She was obviously under a lot of stress, one small zero in the gradebook doesn't bother me, and if I do get a zero, I deserved it, as my article wasn't that fantastic. - Maybe it bothers me that my Internet obsessions are taking over my life. I simply cannot function properly without going on the nets after school, even dropping homework in order to spend more time online.
-Well, there is an inkling of truth in this, but on the other hand, I have been really good lately at stopping myself from connecting the Wi-fi when working on typed essays and the like. I keep my school life in order, and my Internet life on the Internet, and those rare moments when I start to make Internet references without anyone understanding irritate me, as I start to understand that 1 - the people around me think Im crazy and 2 - I start talking like I normally type. - I miss my friends from 8th grade.
Two of the most fantastic people I had in my life left for other schools for 9th grade, freshman year, and there is a big gaping hole where they seemed to be. Today, instead of me coping on my own, Id be listening to the perfect music for my situation with Alice, or Christina would make some obscure reference to scary my worries away. But unfortunately, they aren't physically here, and their absence has been so felt. When I was crying earlier, I thought of those I can call who would understand my situation because they've been in it and sympathize with me and offer solutions to this problem. Unfortunately, it seems I have gotten a bit detached from the rest of them. if I left my current circle, Im sure I would be missed. However, they would find a form of peace without me.
I wonder how Alice and Pipi are holding up. This dysfunctional musketeer could really use some help, and I wonder if they feel the same way too. ...Im freaking crying again. Stupid subconscious. - About the above point - I realize that thinking about them has made me cry again. However, it is the fact that they are not here to help me with this currently-unknown problem that makes me cry. On a sidenote, Im currently crying out of only my right eye. My left one is currently dry. Ima go google this now to see if it means anything. *insert search here* Nope.
- Maybe my love life hasn't existed for the last 5 years. That, really, isn't a problem. Im too young to be in a relationship (I am 14 after all) and I find no one that comes to mind. Maybe it's simply the fact that I dont have someone to love like my current OTP.
However, this is not the problem, as it does not bother me at all. - Is it the terribly noisy van this year? Every. Single. Year. Ive been riding on this commercial van-bus-carpool service for three years now, it went from 7 seats to 45ish, meaning a crapton of squirming, sweaty, idiotic fifth graders. I have nothing about fifth gradesr who behave properly - no screaming, no loud gossiping, no putting backpacks in the walkway, buckling their seat belt, not standing up and causing a ruckus, etc (actually, Im fine with anyone who does this and the mortal enemy of those who do). BUT IM SERIOUS. HEY FIFTH GRADER WHO POINTED OUT THAT IM USING A CALCULATOR FOR THE MATH HOMEWORK - ITS ALLOWED WHEN YOURE IN PRECALCULUS. HOWEVER, *YOU*, WHO ARE STILL LEARNING HOW TO MULTIPLY FRACTIONS, ARE IN NO NEED OF A STINKING CALCULATOR. /end rant.
- Is it the fact that some people admitted theyre scared of me? Komal of the van said that yesterday, when she, I, and two other 8th graders (oh boy, how I dislike the eighth graders, you, dear reader, have no idea) were saying honest things about each other. I admitted I really didn't like the eighth grade. They attempted to defend themselves by saying, "Well, you don't really know us." "YEAH, you don't really know us!" My eye roll was supposed to be a response between, "Go put on some decent clothing that won't cause your grandmother to die of heart attack," "Well, then tell me about you so I know!" and "Sorry, but I honestly don't care." Seriously. Those eighth graders. They are so contradictory to the fact that Basis makes hipsters. And they come in with their mainstream media and ruin the whole idea of this place.
/end rant. I still don't know why my feelings are so all-over-the-place. Ill just go and do the pile of homework due tomorrow and hope for a decent grade in tomorrow's Chapter 2 vocabulary quiz for AP Government.
